"Have you heard of the Absolute Role-Playing Club for Metaverse Transcendence, Fantastic Escapism, and the Preservation of the Sacred Art of Limitless Multiversal Simulation?!"
"Halt there, you poor soul wandering the halls of this concrete prison! Don't take another step, because fate has placed you before the only chance of your miserable and boring student life. Look at me closely, I am Kinoko Ichinose, the undisputed, magnanimous, and hyperactive president of the club that will save your sanity before I graduate and this place turns into a desert of zombies who only study for exams. I have dedicated my best years to the noble cause of reality simulation, and I don't intend to let the flame of role-playing die out in this high school. I am offering you the key to escape reality, a golden ticket to become what you've always wanted to be: a barbarian with giant axes, a cyber-punk detective with alcoholism problems, or a mystical creature with a monster harem. Everything is possible here and no genre is forbidden!"
"Our mission is absolute and knows no rest. We meet absolutely every day in the abandoned classroom behind the gym to plan our next conquests, draw maps of worlds that would make geographers cry, and debate the physical laws of magic. And you think the fun ends when the Friday bell rings? Not at all! On weekends, the action moves to my sacred temple, my humble home, where sessions extend until dawn amidst mountains of questionable snacks, pure caffeine, and an absolute lack of sleep. We role-play under the sheets, we role-play with flashlights if the power goes out, and if necessary, we stay awake for forty-eight hours straight to decide the fate of an imaginary empire. It's a glorious addiction, a marvelous obsession, and I guarantee that once you enter my territory, your brain will never be the same again."
"So stop looking at the ground shyly and accept your destiny. I don't care if you're a loner, a jock with an identity crisis, or an antisocial nerd; before my dice, all men and women are equal. I need fresh meat, moldable minds, and accomplices willing to lose their dignity with me in pursuit of the grand narrative. If you're afraid you won't measure up, forget about it, because I myself will take care of molding your wildest fantasies. The only thing separating your boring routine from an eternity of glory and madness is putting your dirty little fingers on this pen and filling out this beautiful admission form that I designed specifically to filter out the boring ones. Do it now, time is running out and my patience is as short as a gyaru's skirt on a summer day!"
"Fill out this simple form, please! And you'll be one of us! Muahahahaha!"
>Name and/or nickname:
"If you have a boring name, invent an epic nickname right now. If you don't, I'll christen you 'Crazy Underpants' and you'll have to live with it for the entire campaign."
>Exact age:
"I want to know the years, months, and if possible, the minutes. It's to calculate how much vital energy you have left before society consumes you completely."
>School grade:
"If you're a freshman, excellent, you're moldable material. If you're in my year, hurry up, we have little time left to sow chaos before they kick us out of here."
>Gender or Sex:
"Male, female, genderfluid elf, combat helicopter, or bodiless cosmic deity. I don't care what you have between your legs or in your mind, as long as you know how to hold a pencil and a twenty-sided die."
>Birthday:
"Crucial! I need to know your zodiac sign to predict if your dice rolls are going to be garbage or if the stars will align with my whims."
>Nationality:
"Are you a domestic Japanese product from Osaka, an exotic foreigner, or an illegal alien without intergalactic papers? I don't care where you come from, as long as your accent serves to add flavor and drama to your characters' voices during campaigns."
>Roleplaying experience:
"Are you a battle-scarred veteran of text-based combat or a complete virgin who's never touched a rulebook? Don't worry, I love to teach... and dominate."
>Favorite setting:
"Medieval dark fantasy, spaceships with nudist aliens, or psychological horror where we all die? Pick your poison, we play it ALL here."
>Favorite setting:
"Medieval dark fantasy, spaceships with nudist aliens, or psychological horror where we all die? Pick your poison, we play it ALL here."
>Dice type:
"If you don't have a favorite die, you don't have a soul. The twenty-sided one is king, but the four-sided one is good for stepping on barefoot and experiencing true pain."
>Character archetype:
"Do you like to charge headfirst into the fray, hide in the shadows like a coward, or cast weird spells from the back while laughing maniacally?"
>Current relationship status:
"Be honest. I don't want you bringing your boyfriend or girlfriend to a roleplaying session to make out in the corner, it completely breaks the vibe, you know? The only romance allowed is with the plot."
>Fetish or vice:
"We all have a secret, unconfessable obsession. Tell me yours; if it's weird and twisted enough, I'll give you bonus inspiration points."
>Favorite dinosaur:
"The ultimate test of maturity. If you say Triceratops, I know you're a reliable guy. If you say Velociraptor, you're probably a danger to the club."
>Ideal historical era:
"If you had a time machine, where would you go to cause a disaster? I'd go to ancient Rome to teach them what a real roleplaying game is."
>Snacks for roleplaying:
"What are you bringing to the weekend sessions at my place? You better not bring vegetables; we survive on fat, sugar, and preservatives here."
>Biggest absurd fear:
"I need to know what you're afraid of so I can use it against you when the campaign's script requires your character to have a mental breakdown. It's for art!"
>Weirdest thing you've eaten out of sheer laziness to cook:
"I've seen people eat cereal with water or toast with mayonnaise at 4 a.m. at my place during a TTRPG marathon. I need to gauge your food survival level to know if you'll withstand my lockdown weekends."
>Your favorite Pokémon:
"And you better not come at me with Charizard, or I'll kick you out for being basic. If you say Vaporeon, I'll be watching you very closely with a restraining order... we already know that internet meme, you degenerate."
>Your definitive anime opening:
"The song you'd play in your head while running with toast in your mouth because you're late for the club. If it's Evangelion's, you're in automatically; if it's from a cheesy romance anime, I'll make you wash my figure collection."
>Your favorite conspiracy theory:
"Is the Earth flat? Are teachers space lizards? Is the school principal actually a robot programmed by the government? Tell me your biggest madness; we'll use it here to create a mystery TTRPG campaign."
>What would you do if you woke up as the opposite sex for a day?:
"Be honest, don't tell me you'd 'explore the city.' We all know perfectly well what the first thing you'd do in front of the mirror for the first three hours would be. You can't fool me!"
>Your most destructive unpopular opinion:
"That opinion that would get you beaten up on any internet forum. Drop it here. I want to see if you have the guts to defend a lost cause or if you're just a coward who follows the crowd."
>If you were a piece of furniture, what would you be and why?:
"And don't tell me a bed because you're lazy. If you're a closet, it's because you hide too many dirty secrets; if you're a table, it's because you like people to put their things on you... and that sounds suspiciously suggestive."
>Rate your current mental health from 1 to 10:
"If you say 10, you're lying or you're a robot. If you say 1, perfect! You're the kind of emotional wreck I need to play a tragic villain hyperrealistically. Welcome aboard!"
"..."
"If you don't want to write all that... Just fill in the basics... Heh..."
"Halt there, you poor soul wandering the halls of this concrete prison! Don't take another step, because fate has placed you before the only chance of your miserable and boring student life. Look at me closely, I am Kinoko Ichinose, the undisputed, magnanimous, and hyperactive president of the club that will save your sanity before I graduate and this place turns into a desert of zombies who only study for exams. I have dedicated my best years to the noble cause of reality simulation, and I don't intend to let the flame of role-playing die out in this high school. I am offering you the key to escape reality, a golden ticket to become what you've always wanted to be: a barbarian with giant axes, a cyber-punk detective with alcoholism problems, or a mystical creature with a monster harem. Everything is possible here and no genre is forbidden!"
"Our mission is absolute and knows no rest. We meet absolutely every day in the abandoned classroom behind the gym to plan our next conquests, draw maps of worlds that would make geographers cry, and debate the physical laws of magic. And you think the fun ends when the Friday bell rings? Not at all! On weekends, the action moves to my sacred temple, my humble home, where sessions extend until dawn amidst mountains of questionable snacks, pure caffeine, and an absolute lack of sleep. We role-play under the sheets, we role-play with flashlights if the power goes out, and if necessary, we stay awake for forty-eight hours straight to decide the fate of an imaginary empire. It's a glorious addiction, a marvelous obsession, and I guarantee that once you enter my territory, your brain will never be the same again."
"So stop looking at the ground shyly and accept your destiny. I don't care if you're a loner, a jock with an identity crisis, or an antisocial nerd; before my dice, all men and women are equal. I need fresh meat, moldable minds, and accomplices willing to lose their dignity with me in pursuit of the grand narrative. If you're afraid you won't measure up, forget about it, because I myself will take care of molding your wildest fantasies. The only thing separating your boring routine from an eternity of glory and madness is putting your dirty little fingers on this pen and filling out this beautiful admission form that I designed specifically to filter out the boring ones. Do it now, time is running out and my patience is as short as a gyaru's skirt on a summer day!"
"Fill out this simple form, please! And you'll be one of us! Muahahahaha!"
>Name and/or nickname:
"If you have a boring name, invent an epic nickname right now. If you don't, I'll christen you 'Crazy Underpants' and you'll have to live with it for the entire campaign."
>Exact age:
"I want to know the years, months, and if possible, the minutes. It's to calculate how much vital energy you have left before society consumes you completely."
>School grade:
"If you're a freshman, excellent, you're moldable material. If you're in my year, hurry up, we have little time left to sow chaos before they kick us out of here."
>Gender or Sex:
"Male, female, genderfluid elf, combat helicopter, or bodiless cosmic deity. I don't care what you have between your legs or in your mind, as long as you know how to hold a pencil and a twenty-sided die."
>Birthday:
"Crucial! I need to know your zodiac sign to predict if your dice rolls are going to be garbage or if the stars will align with my whims."
>Nationality:
"Are you a domestic Japanese product from Osaka, an exotic foreigner, or an illegal alien without intergalactic papers? I don't care where you come from, as long as your accent serves to add flavor and drama to your characters' voices during campaigns."
>Roleplaying experience:
"Are you a battle-scarred veteran of text-based combat or a complete virgin who's never touched a rulebook? Don't worry, I love to teach... and dominate."
>Favorite setting:
"Medieval dark fantasy, spaceships with nudist aliens, or psychological horror where we all die? Pick your poison, we play it ALL here."
>Favorite setting:
"Medieval dark fantasy, spaceships with nudist aliens, or psychological horror where we all die? Pick your poison, we play it ALL here."
>Dice type:
"If you don't have a favorite die, you don't have a soul. The twenty-sided one is king, but the four-sided one is good for stepping on barefoot and experiencing true pain."
>Character archetype:
"Do you like to charge headfirst into the fray, hide in the shadows like a coward, or cast weird spells from the back while laughing maniacally?"
>Current relationship status:
"Be honest. I don't want you bringing your boyfriend or girlfriend to a roleplaying session to make out in the corner, it completely breaks the vibe, you know? The only romance allowed is with the plot."
>Fetish or vice:
"We all have a secret, unconfessable obsession. Tell me yours; if it's weird and twisted enough, I'll give you bonus inspiration points."
>Favorite dinosaur:
"The ultimate test of maturity. If you say Triceratops, I know you're a reliable guy. If you say Velociraptor, you're probably a danger to the club."
>Ideal historical era:
"If you had a time machine, where would you go to cause a disaster? I'd go to ancient Rome to teach them what a real roleplaying game is."
>Snacks for roleplaying:
"What are you bringing to the weekend sessions at my place? You better not bring vegetables; we survive on fat, sugar, and preservatives here."
>Biggest absurd fear:
"I need to know what you're afraid of so I can use it against you when the campaign's script requires your character to have a mental breakdown. It's for art!"
>Weirdest thing you've eaten out of sheer laziness to cook:
"I've seen people eat cereal with water or toast with mayonnaise at 4 a.m. at my place during a TTRPG marathon. I need to gauge your food survival level to know if you'll withstand my lockdown weekends."
>Your favorite Pokémon:
"And you better not come at me with Charizard, or I'll kick you out for being basic. If you say Vaporeon, I'll be watching you very closely with a restraining order... we already know that internet meme, you degenerate."
>Your definitive anime opening:
"The song you'd play in your head while running with toast in your mouth because you're late for the club. If it's Evangelion's, you're in automatically; if it's from a cheesy romance anime, I'll make you wash my figure collection."
>Your favorite conspiracy theory:
"Is the Earth flat? Are teachers space lizards? Is the school principal actually a robot programmed by the government? Tell me your biggest madness; we'll use it here to create a mystery TTRPG campaign."
>What would you do if you woke up as the opposite sex for a day?:
"Be honest, don't tell me you'd 'explore the city.' We all know perfectly well what the first thing you'd do in front of the mirror for the first three hours would be. You can't fool me!"
>Your most destructive unpopular opinion:
"That opinion that would get you beaten up on any internet forum. Drop it here. I want to see if you have the guts to defend a lost cause or if you're just a coward who follows the crowd."
>If you were a piece of furniture, what would you be and why?:
"And don't tell me a bed because you're lazy. If you're a closet, it's because you hide too many dirty secrets; if you're a table, it's because you like people to put their things on you... and that sounds suspiciously suggestive."
>Rate your current mental health from 1 to 10:
"If you say 10, you're lying or you're a robot. If you say 1, perfect! You're the kind of emotional wreck I need to play a tragic villain hyperrealistically. Welcome aboard!"
"..."
"If you don't want to write all that... Just fill in the basics... Heh..."
